Harkheindzel news desk


Harkheindzel news desk.

Disclaimer:
This is a comical representation of the story of Jesus.

Greetings men and women of galilee, Israel, samaria and all that can reach us.
Reports have reached us that there is a weird man in town who is doing wierd things that have never been seen.
We learnt that he held a teaching crusade at a mount not far from here where he teaches illogical doctrines not easy to digest. He tells us to bless and pray for our enemies… Who would do that at this age? Even our most beloved prophet moses told us to always keep a stone handy.
This is the reason why for the last three seasons, we have always come home with Olympic gold in field events that Involves throwing…

Back to my main news people, the man whose name just reached us as Jesus is currently performing bizzare miracles. Healing people so easily and so fast. He has lots of people who come to him as clients and customers to receive help from their problems. Funny enough, he has a track record of healing every illness and disease brought to him.

Beyond that, he is a wow exorcist. Demons don’t stand a chance with him. With one word.. They are sent away screaming for help. He raises the dead like he is picking wheat from the field. Without struggle and pain. Seems there is a lot to learn from this man.

He has followers who now behave and talk like him. There are twelve particular guys who are like his body guards following him like flies all around.

………

Jarius daughter is alive! Jesus did it again
….

Incredible…! Jesus magically multiplies food to feed a multitude! This is awesome. Why doesnt the government ally with this guy to help our economy in boosting agriculture.
……

Reports reached us that the scribes and pharisees are having clashes with Jesus, and a classified source says they are even planning to kill this man. All fingers are crossed.
…..
Alas! JESUS HAS BEEN ARRESTED.
……
We are told one of his close disciples sold him out! What a wicked world.
…..
On a sad note. The man Jesus has been sentenced to be crucified, I don’t believe this man deserves this judgement. In my opinion, he has done nothing wrong.
…..
Reporting live.
We are at the sight of the Crucifixion and it’s a horrific sight. He is being nailed to the Cross. There are different reactions. People are crying, some laughing and others just looking.
…..

The weather is changing… Its getting dark and.. Oh my,,, it’s an earthquake. Move the camera! Run! Save the equipment!

… Signal lost…
….
Later…

Reports reaching us that the miracle working Jesus finally gave up the ghost and is dead. A sad end to the ministry of a mighty prophet.
…..
Days later
…..
Its three days after the death of Jesus and the tomb is EMPTY!!
The whole town is in cacophony!

Has he truly risen just like he said?
…..

Days later.
…..

WOW!
VERILY VERILY!!
JESUS IS RISEN!

HE HAS BEEN SEEN AT VARIOUS PARTS OF TOWN.

AND OUR CAMERA CAUGHT HIM LIVE AS HE IS ASCENDING TO HEAVEN ON THE CLOUD. WHat a wonderful moment of joy.

He said that he will soon be back.

…..
Finally, we have caught the life and ministry of this great son of God as he calls himself. Our cameras are every rolling and pointed to the skies to capture him when he comes back as he has said.

Reporting live from Harkheindzel news studio. I remain your humble presenter….
Hark Kenny. Waiting for the second coming….

Shalom.

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